The Baby Crisis

So everyone has heard of the mid-life crisis. Our culture abounds in jokes, stories, and self help books all about this phenomenon. But no one ever talks about the baby crisis, and I am willing to bet it happens more than anyone knows or admits. Lets be clear, having a baby crisis has nothing to do with postpartum depression. That is a medical and chemical issue that has been documented. The baby crisis is more a spiritual problem. It is the process of finding out who you are after the birth of your baby.
When you have a child everything changes. I believe that most people go into it knowing this fact intellectually, but maybe not emotionally. I know I had not really internalized it and only now, over two months into motherhood, am I realizing the full extent of that change. It is virtually impossible to be the exact same person you were before baby. Maybe this will be an unpopular opinion, but I think it is a true one. Life suddenly revolves around that tiny person. All walks of life experience this. Bar hoppers no longer go out all the time and runners run less especially in the beginning. There is less time for gardening, biking, reading, and traveling. I spend less time with my horses and other animals. I meditate and do yoga less. I hike and run less. It is enough to really start you questioning who you are in the grand scheme of things. It causes some deep thought processes about what in your life is really important. Because the fact is that with a baby you just don't have time to do everything you did before. Something has to give. I am realizing that it is going to be a long time before I can go back to being the before baby me. And by that time I will probably not remember who that was anyway. This can be incredibly scary, hence the crisis. I am trying to turn it around into liberating.
So I have been thinking about what really matters in my life. What are those things that are so intrinsic to me that I cannot give them up and what is just chaff? What do I want my daughter to see in me when she is old enough to notice? For me this thought process has caused me to discard some things and uncover some old hobbies that have fallen to the wayside. I am becoming less selfish as I search for the things that I love that I can share and do with her, instead of just things for myself that would leave her on her own. I am looking for ways to meld my life with her needs. Because maybe the real baby crisis is the fact that I don't want to be without her as much as I thought I would. I want to share my joys, my sorrows, my passions, my triumphs, and failures so that as she grows she will share hers with me. Because motherhood changes your life and I am betting that it is not actually a crisis, although it may sometimes feel like one, but a blessing. I am simplifying my life so that I have room in it for the most important passion; love.