The Cold Conundrum

Eowyn, who is 9 weeks old, has a cold. This presents a huge conundrum for me. I know I should not worry. I believe I should not worry. Yet I still find myself counting her wheezing breaths at night and constantly checking her color and temperature, unable to sleep myself. Peace and stillness of mind seems absolutely impossible to achieve when I hear her little cough or listen to her breathe. I scan the internet looking for clues on how to help her, what her symptoms could mean. A practice I do not suggest to anyone by the way. It will just make you more worried and crazy! The doctor has said she is fine, ZenDad assures me that she is not going to die from a little cold, yet that worry is persistent. Last night I found myself practicing my breathing, trying to relax as she lay on my chest fitfully sleeping. I began to wonder how much worry is healthy in a mother and when does it take control of your life and become a source of stress? I also wondered if the worry of a mother is even something you can control. Is constant worrying for your child just part of the motherhood package? I made a pact with myself to try to keep my worrying to a minimum and trust in Eowyn and myself. This is just the beginning and if I worry this much I am going to make her a nervous child. Life happens and she is going to get sick, break bones, fall off horses, crash snowboarding, and all kinds of things I cannot control nor probably imagine. Nor should I try and control them. ( I probably should not try to imagine them either!) Life lived to the fullest is never completely safe and I want her to experience all life has to offer, safe or not. Controlling my worry may not be as easy as writing about it, however. It is a conundrum that I am going to have to work on as she grows. But now I have to go. She is wheezing and I need to count her breaths and make sure she is alright. Then I better go meditate on the fact that worry is doing nothing good for me or her!