My beautiful girl

I cannot wait to open my eyes and see her every morning. Her presence in my life is a source of great peace and happiness. In fact, I cannot imagine my life without her in it. The beauty and joy she brings to the world as she moves through it is a constant source of amazement to me. That a being can live so in the moment, on zen time, and have so much trust in the world around her defies all my cynical moments. In many ways she is the role model for me in my taoist practice and in gliding gracefully through life. No one I know lives more at one with the world around her and finds so much joy in the simplicities of life. Everyone may think I am talking about Eowyn and it is true all these things apply to her as well. But actually I am talking about a relationship that has been around much longer than Eowyn, the one I have with my dog Siobhan. No relationship has meant more to me in many ways. Through the good times and the hard ones she has been my constant companion for almost twelve years. And now she is getting old. This is a fact of life that everyone ages and grows old, yet I find myself railing against it.
All this comes up because Siobhan had an accident last night. She peed all over the bed at three in the morning while I was in the nursing chair with Eowyn. This is always frustrating, especially when you are trying to climb back into bed, dead tired, to finally get some sleep only to find your spot soaked. But what really bothered me was that she was asleep and did not even know she had done it. My Siobhan has not lived a life without accidents in the house, she is a dog. But she was always aware of them and completely embarrassed and mortified at what she had done. She would run to the door or to a hiding spot, sure she had done something wrong. So to see her last night sleeping in a huge wet spot, oblivious to the fact she had even gone to the bathroom, broke my heart into pieces. She still doesn't know what happened and I am not telling her. The reality of her aging is hard enough on me and I would spare her the knowledge of her incontinence for as long as possible. My own aging process has brought me some amount of grief. Things don't come as easily physically as they use to and food sticks in the wrong places easier on me than I would like these days. But the aging of my beautiful puppy has rubbed a raw spot on my soul that has changed me. Suddenly mortality is really real and I know one day I will have to say good bye to her and other loved ones in my life. Sure, people I love have passed away, but no one I have lived so closely with as I have with Siobhan. And it makes me realize I will have to watch my beautiful daughter grow up and leave infanthood behind. She will hopefully outlive me by many wonderful years, but I will still be here to see her outgrow her need for me as she becomes an independent person. So I am going to rededicate myself today to the Buddhist practice of living in the Now. I am going to enjoy every moment of every day of Eowyn's childhood good and bad, whether she is fussy or smiling. But most of all I am going to go hug my Siobhan and I am going to do it every chance I get. And I am going to thank her every day for being her and not think about what happens tomorrow.
I am going to live in that timeless Now where we are always together and she is always my beloved puppy.