Back to the Grind

So today is the official end of my maternity leave. I cannot begin to explain the emotions that this causes as I look at Eowyn, happily burbling to her pal Chester the horse, as she sits next to me. On the surface, I know I should feel lucky. I have managed to tweak our life so that I am only going back part time. Today, I only have to perform dorm duty and that does not even start until 5:15 tonight. And after that I only have to work in the library on Thursdays and Fridays. But still I have this sinking in my heart. I am lucky, I just have to keep telling myself that. But I don't really believe it. Because no matter how little time I have to spend away from Eowyn, it is still time that I will never get back. Every smile that I miss is one I will never see. And every diaper change I am not here for is a missed chance to interact with my daughter and deepen our bond. I may miss milestones like her first real out loud laugh, or her first time turning over. I cannot rewind and be there for those things once I have missed them. I never thought I would want to be a stay at home Mum. All I could think was how boring that must be and how I could never do it. But I was wrong. There is nothing more special and time consuming than watching and helping your baby grow. It reminds you of the wonder of life and the simplicity of what we need to really survive. Sure, some days are frustrating and tiring, but the rewards outweigh those days by a hundred fold. So in some ways I am lucky and in some ways I am desperately trying to figure out how we could survive if I didn't work for awhile, at all. Because as I return to the grind, even part time, I am aware with every fiber of my being what I am going to be missing. I am going to be missing moments of life and love and laughter just to make a few bucks. Maybe neither my daughter or I want to settle for that.

Greening the Baby

So one of the things I struggle with is how to be green while raising a child. I think anyone who is environmentally minded and has children faces this dilemma.Because children have a lot of stuff. A lot of it comes from China. And unfortunately they outgrow their stuff at a rapid rate. So here is a list of strategies I have used and am using to try and green our child.

1. We use cloth diapers. This allows us to not fill landfills with disposables that take hundreds of years to break down. It is easy to do and I actually enjoy it. These days there are so many options that I think there is a cloth diapering system for everyone. If you are dedicated to disposables look into chlorine free diapers like Seventh Generation. But cloth is the cheapest and best way to go in my opinion.
2. In that vein, I had a winter baby, so I use an indoor drying rack and only put my diapers in the dryer for a short time to get the water out. I hang them to dry the rest of the way. When summer comes I am going to line dry them all the way, outside, no dryer needed. I also pre-wash them by hand to limit the cycles I have to use on the washer.
3. When I buy something for Eowyn, I buy less but better quality. I try to find organic clothes that were made in the U.S. or at least closer than China. I buy organic, local made natural toys of wood and cloth. Sure they are more expensive, but really how many outfits and toys does she need anyway.
4. I encourage people who want to buy us stuff to do the same, but I use whatever they do buy. If they bought it, it is a waste to not use it. Anything I really cannot bring myself to use goes to a local thrift store to be used by someone else with different tastes.
5. Hand Me Downs. I try and get everything I can second hand from family, friends, or a thrift store. It saves money and reusing stuff is always a good environmental move.
6. Breastfeeding. I know this sounds strange, but it is environmental. We don't need bottles and storage containers and formula containing who knows what, made who knows where. Her food travels with me easily, relieving me of yet another bag full of stuff. And it is healthier for me and for her. I love breastfeeding!
7. Babywearing. Okay this one is maybe a little silly, but it saves us from consuming all kinds of strollers and chairs and bouncy things. I have a piece of cloth called the Moby Wrap. I put her in it to walk, hang out, dance, settle her when she is fussy, and anytime I don't know what to do with her. It works like a charm and is way easier to transport than a stroller. I do have a jogging stroller. It was a wonderful hand me down gift from my lovely Aunt and it does come in handy for jogging, the one thing I am not comfortable doing in my baby carriers. I also have one chair/seat thing, another generous hand me down from a good friend. We use it sometimes to eat and when she has a stuffy nose she likes to sleep in it.

So there are some easy, simple, and sometimes cheap ways to be a little more environmentally minded with a little one. The best advice I received though is don't be a consumer. Eowyn wants attention, love, and care. She does not need a ton of other stuff that takes resources to make and has to be shipped to your home using even more resources. Think twice about what you buy and where you buy it. I am sure I will have many more ideas on greening the baby as she grows and I will be sure to let you know!

Simplicity

Eowyn has many things to teach me. I believe that I am going to spend the rest of my life learning from her. It is a mistake to think parents teach children, when really the relationship is much more reciprocal than that. In fact, if we learned more from our children perhaps we would be better people as adults.
The most important lesson I am learning from my beautiful daughter at this moment is simplicity. Simple, wonderful, simplicity. As we grow we have a tendency to complicate our lives so much. We collect things, we work hard to have money to collect things, we scurry around from task to task, and we often ignore the important things in life both physically and emotionally. Eowyn asks for nothing but the most basic of needs. Feed me and love me. Certainly she needs some other things to survive like clothing. But what I have realized is she doesn't care if she has one outfit or twenty. She doesn't care what color or style the clothing is as long as keeps her warm when she is cold or cool when she is hot. And her amusements are simple. Think about it. Her favorite thing to do is look into her parents faces and smile. What would the world be like if we were all so happy just looking at each other and smiling? If our faces are not available she is almost as happy to stare at a plant or a dog or the sun shining on the floor. She doesn't need computers, television, toys of all sorts at all, although society might like to make us think that. She just needs the world around her to inspire awe, laughter, and tears.
I think adults complicate our lives emotionally as well. We often lie to ourselves and others, we bottle up emotions and problems, we put unreasonable expectations on each other, and carry around all sorts of other emotional baggage. Eowyn does none of this. If she is unhappy or has a problem, she lets us know. If she is happy she lets us know. She doesn't hold grudges if we have trouble figuring out what she needs. She loves fiercely and with all her little being. My goal in life is to live more like that. I want to need less toys and enjoy the world that surrounds me more. I want to deal honestly and openly with the human beings that I share this world with and let them know if I am happy or sad or any of the other million emotions. I think if I can follow the example of my child I can live a happy, more honest, more simple life.